If it were just that simple…

Most who have spent any time here know I am a volunteer Guardian ad Litem. The State of Florida Guardian ad Litem Program is a network of professional staff and community advocates, partnering to provide a strong voice in court and positive systemic change on behalf of Florida’s abused and neglected children. There are 21 local Guardian ad Litem programs in 20 judicial circuits in Florida.

Why would you want do do something like that? Have you seen some of those people?

People, just like you and me and for some, just because of the luck of the draw, they ended up with a shit sandwich instead of filet mignon.

Were you abused or neglected?

Both my parents loved me very much, but that doesn’t mean I had it easy. My parents divorced in my early teens, my mother was an alcoholic, and my dad and I moved away from the town I grew up in when I was 15. My dad was deeply enmeshed in his mid-life crisis and I was pretty much left to fend for myself during my formative teen years. I was so ill prepared for the next step after high school, I joined the Army; which ended up being a godsend, but I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time.

Somehow, someway I was able to use not only the bad experiences in my life, but the good ones as well to shape who I have ultimately become. I am nowhere near perfect, but do know I have been blessed in many ways to the point I feel an obligation to give back. Through the GAL program, I felt this was where I could really roll up my sleeves and hopefully make a difference on a one on one basis.

How is that working out?

Well, I was told whatever victories you have will be small ones at best. Without going into too much detail all I will say it is very sad to see how broken down some of these kids are and the realization in all likelihood, they can only survive within the system; our tax dollars at work.

It definitely gives me a reality check and makes me extra thankful for what I do have and not to be too judgmental unless you’ve had the opportunity to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

How’s is working out? The jury is still out but I’d like to think I’m doing some good for somebody.

It can’t be that bad, can it?

Oh yeah, on so many levels.

Then just walk away

That would certainly be the easy thing to do, wouldn’t it?

I still have work to do

I have a current case where the children have been removed from the home and placed in foster care. The case is over one year old and I would like to say we are close to resolution, but I now have my doubts.

The parents say they want the children back and have somewhat complied with the case plan, but one of the spouses keeps going off the rails and it’s getting to the point where I am not sure if reunification will ever happen for them. And the state is not asking the parents to jump through hoops, all we want to see is the absolute bare minimum of compliance.

You make the call.

There are many people involved in this case including the case manager and therapist so I am not the hammer that goes in front of the judge with sole discretion on the outcome. But here are the choices we are faced with:

• The kids (there are five of them) are reunified with their parents and it rapidly goes back to the same situation that got the kids removed from the house in the first place. Personally, I have serious doubts if these parents can afford to properly feed or clothe these children, but like I said just the absolute bare minimum of care will get these kids back home.

That sucks.

No kidding, and that is probably the best of the two other choices.

• Choice two: foster care. Because of the behavioral issues these kids have I think it will be almost impossible to keep these kids together as a family unit. The low hanging fruit good kids will go first and the problem children are likely to get bounced from house to house.

Don’t let that happen.

I hear ya, I wish the parents would start parenting.

• Good ol’ choice three: Group foster care. If any of the kids become too rowdy and can’t exist in the traditional foster home setting, they will be transferred to a group home, and to be institutionalized at such a young age is a recipe for disaster. You have other problem children in the home that have been cast out too and not enough supervision in the home so the chances of a good outcome are slim indeed.

Can’t you fix it?

Yeah, let me wave my magic wand and make everybody behave the way they are supposed to.

What I can do is keep trying. If I was able to even reach one kid so he could use this experience to better himself, I would certainly consider that a win.

Other than run for the hills, if you were faced with this dilemma, what would your choice be?

Nature versus nurture – which is the trump card?

I was born to be wild ’cause my daddy was an outlaw in a family of outlaws.

True or False, are you pre-destined to be good or bad based on your family genetics?

How about taking it a step further; are abused and maltreated children better off if they remain with their own families, instead of having them taken away and shipped off to the mixed bag of foster care?

USA Today ran a front page story and said it is overwhelmingly better off to leave these children in their own family, even if the family gets little or no help at all.

Maybe, maybe not. I’m a volunteer Guardian ad Litem and have handled cases where foster care was the only thing keeping an abused kid off the street.

Unfortunately, when these kids are placed in the system under the control of DCF the final outcome is usually less than ideal. They might eventually be reunified with their family, but most times the family still has their own issues to deal with. Just because the family/parent was required to complete a case plan to get their kids back doesn’t mean it solved all their problems.

Because of drugs or being totally dependent on the abuser, the parent might not even do a case plan. Then the child is destined for the foster care system until they age out, unless they can get adopted. And the age of the child when they enter into foster care will impact their chances on being adopted.

As you can see, there are choices, but not necessarily good ones.

You have to be kidding me, right? 

One thing the GAL program has taught me is to not make any pre-judgments and get as many facts as possible before I make any recommendation to the court. There are a lot of people to talk with to get the ‘story;’ other family members, teachers, doctors, neighbors, case manager, therapist, law enforcement, parents and the most important, the kids themselves.

Sounds pretty simple right? Talk with everybody, put all the facts down on paper with the pros on one side and cons on the other; tally them up, and then tell the judge based on your statistical analysis where you think the kids should be placed. How hard can that be?

What if you found out someone was less than truthful when answering your questions? I know, shocking right? If an abused kid is being told by the abuser they will be physically removed from the home and taken to live with strangers if they tell anybody, how forthcoming do you think they are apt to be?

If an 11 year old girl is having sex with her mother’s live-in boyfriend, is that horrific enough for her to spill the beans? You would think so, right? More times than not, it remains their hidden secret and it doesn’t come out until there is physical evidence.

What if the uneducated, unemployable mother is totally dependent on this fine upstanding citizen? What if the mother has two other children younger than 11, and if they remain in the house will be subject to the same abuse?

Lovely, just get the kids out of the damn house then.

But USA Today said….

I know, the study said all things considered, the kids will turn out better if they are allowed to remain with the biological family/mother. And trust me, when you read about some of these under-aged girls in group foster homes being pimped out for prostitution, you can see there are no easy choices.

And the sad thing is, this child just happened to get the short-straw; born to the wrong family.

Good or bad however, these kids are our future and there are no throw-away kids.

You make the call

When you have gone through the entire process, the family has done absolutely everything they were required to do in the case plan, and they want their children back; but you just know these kids will have a less than 1% chance of being successful in life if you put them back in the home; what would you recommend? You will be asked……

You have seen the family structure and dynamics and it is certainly nothing you have ever experienced or witnessed before (ie, it is some kind of messed up), but if you feel the kids will be relatively safe, do you tell the judge to close the case and send the kids home?

Did I say there were no easy choices?

We just do the best we can, right?

Why me? Why not. It is certainly not glamorous, but probably one of the most worthwhile things I have ever done. If you have a Guardian or Casa program in your area I would encourage you to consider being a volunteer. The kids need a voice.

That.is.all.

Put me in coach; just give me a chance…

Some of my community already know, but if you weren’t aware, I am a volunteer Guardian ad Litem.

What is a Guardian ad Litem?  A Guardian ad Litem is an advocate for a child whose welfare is a matter of concern for the court. In legal terms, it means “guardian for the lawsuit”. When the court is making decisions that will affect a child’s future, the child needs and deserves a spokesperson – an objective adult to provide independent information about the best interests of the child. While other parties in the case are concerned about the child, the Guardian ad Litem is the only person in the case whose sole concern is the best interests of the child, and is assigned as an advocate for the child for the duration of the court process.

In other words, it is a tremendous responsibility that I take very seriously.

Guardian ad Litem truisms:

• There are no ‘easy’ cases.
• Just because you can have babies doesn’t always mean you should.
• The good news is, you were born so you have a chance; the bad news is, you were not born in the lucky sperm pool, so your chances of success were greatly diminished.
• Whatever your frame of reference for normal is, fuhgeddaboutit.
• If a child has been removed from the home, there was a reason and usually it involves something pretty bad.

Tell me about a case

For obvious reasons the information I have access to is confidential; but I do have access to everything including medical records, police reports, psych evaluation, report cards, etc.

I won’t go into specifics, but I have just accepted a new case that will be very challenging. The 5 children (all under 5) have been removed from the home.

In this situation, the parents want their kids back; meaning they are willing to comply with any case plan DCF puts together for them. Due to the extreme nature of this case however, complying with the case plan is still no guarantee they will get them back.

In most cases, reunification is the least bad of the three options; with the options being reunification in less than an ideal home situation, foster care w/ possible adoption, or group foster home when there is nowhere else for the child to be placed.

I am not the ultimate decider, but my opinion does carry weight. This particular case has a long way to go, but I have a feeling it will be a difficult one.

What, if in your gut you know if these kids come back home, their chances of succeeding, being productive members of society, are almost nil? However, if the recommendation is termination of parental rights, I know with almost 99% certainty these kids will be separated and placed in different foster homes.

Tough choices indeed and I feel ‘family‘ carries the most weight but what if keeping them together is dooming these kids to failure? Who am I to make that recommendation? I’m only one voice however as it is a collaborative effort with the social service agencies trying to reach a consensus, but these are the choices being discussed.

I just want to make a difference in someone’s life

Another truism I forgot to mention is, most successes, if any, are not easily identifiable. Just because I get involved in a troubled kid’s life and try to be a positive influence, there is no guarantee they will finally see the ‘light’ and and instantly become model citizens.

However, I also believe there are no throw-away kids and if you are on the team of ‘life’, then put me in coach, just give me a chance…..

Does that make me special? Absolutely not, but it sure has taught me humility and to be thankful for what I do have. I am probably learning more life lessons being involved in this than in any other endeavor I have done, including raising my own family.

Let’s just say, when you think you are having a bad day; you probably have no idea of what ‘bad’ really looks like.

That.is.all.