Oh so close, you almost made the cut

By the time this is posted, I will be closing in on the 10,000 legitimate comment mark. However, I did want to share some comments not in those numbers; comments that never got to see the light of day. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on what your interests are I suppose, the porn related spam seems to have abated since it’s been awhile posting about butts and fingers. However, these weren’t quite ready for prime time either.

Evidently, I am a much, much bigger deal in the land of spam than among my living friends.

Maybe spam is like The Walking Dead, huh?

Spam gets a bad rap by the way, I remember carving it up as a kid and putting in the frying pan and turning it into a delicacy; I recall frying some bologna too. Ever have a mayonnaise sandwich? Hmmmm, about the only meat in a can I will eat these days would be tuna or salmon if you can consider fish a meat.

Drum roll please, now you see light…

  • You’re in reality a excellent webmaster. The website loading speed is amazing. It sort of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece. you have done a great process on this matter!

Me, a webmaster? Really? They must be thinking of someone else who looks like me. 

  • I smiled all the way through your video. The happiest 2 minutes and 37 seconds of my day. Wow. Thank you so much for letting your light shine!

See, I’m sure I told you the story that my father thought I was so bright he called me sun; shine on…

  • Usually I do not learn post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thanks, very nice article.

Been amazed to me? Me too I suppose; should I tell him/her you are welcome? 

  • Attractive part of content. I simply stumbled upon your blog and in accession capital to claim that I get in fact enjoyed account your weblog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment or even I achievement you get right of entry to consistently fast.

Has anyone ever subscribed to your augment? That might be a first for me; I hope they got what they wanted. 

  • 373712 123340A quite exciting go by way of, I could not agree completely, but you do make some genuinely legitimate factors. 909690

Yes, I’m not sure what post they were referring too, but I do have some legitimate factors. 

  • Awesome issues here. I’m very glad to see your post. Thanks so much and I’m taking a look ahead to contact you. Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

Now wait, if they are going to contact me should I hold off dropping them an e-mail? 

  • your website is great. when is the next post coming on this topic? i’m happy i found this blog.

Yikes, since I normally don’t have a topic I wonder when and if I will be able to let them know? 

  • I delight in, result in I discovered exactly what I used to be taking a look for. You have ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

God Bless you too sir; I’m glad your hunt is over. 

  • Great issues altogether, you just received a new reader. What might you suggest about your submit that you made some days in the past? Any positive?

I’m not sure what I would suggest about my submit; probably the same as my augment. 

  • Hello there, simply turned into aware of your blog thru Google, and found that it is really informative. I’m gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate if you continue this in future. A lot of other folks will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

Not brussels sprouts I hope. See, people can find me on Google. 

  • Excellent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a weblog website? The account aided me a appropriate deal. I had been a little bit familiar of this your broadcast provided brilliant transparent idea

Groovy beat man; and now I have an apprentice. Looks like I helped them just enough. 

See, some of you probably thought I was just a big goofus in here, but just by reading these replies you can see I really am somebody and have quite the following.

What kind of spam numbers do you get? Do you ever take the time to actually read them. I would say their English didn’t seem to be too good, but I have friends who talk like that all the time. Who am I to judge?

Have a great day.


32 thoughts on “Oh so close, you almost made the cut

  1. Blog spam averages from 200 to 400 per day on my blog. I used to read the occasional spam when it was around 10 to 20. Most of it was link back spam looking to raise their search ranking. The funny thing to me is that if they just write “awesome post”, “You rock” or similar in the comment and added their link, I would approve it. I’m not picky…

    Awesome post, sir. I had a good laugh. More importantly, I’m glad to see you getting your game on again. [grin]

    Recently on my blog:
    The Corsair: Whovian-Zombie-Game fan-fiction

    • Mine are usually in the 5-15 range. A crazy thing happened last wknd however, I had over 250 views on my old post ‘Once you go black, you never go back.’ No rhyme or reason and it didn’t generate one comment, but somebody was looking at it. Go figure, huh?

      BTW – I’ll take compliments anyway I can get them…….:).

  2. You’re opening paragraph killed me!

    Did you do keyword research on ‘butts’ and ‘fingers’ before you wrote that piece? LOL!

    If the insurance gig falls apart, you could always consider porn? Hehe!

    Man, I had no idea you were impressing so many smart minds out there, dude! 😮

    There sure are some serious dip-wads in cyberspace!

    I don’t even look at spam messages, I just check ‘select all’ and ‘delete’.

    Did I mention cyberspace if full of a bunch of dip-wads?

    Fame does have it’s drawbacks, Bill… Upside – you have your golden new friends and connections; the downside is you become all the rage with a bunch of dip-wads jackin a ride on your climb to the top 😮

    I think you should write a post about gasoline, matches and spammers next… Everybody loves a good bonfire!

    Still laughing.

    • King o’ the dip-wads; I guess there could be worse things, huh?

      It’s funny, my ‘Your butt smells like fingers’ post is still consistently in the top 3 views each week. Maybe I’m on to something; do you think that porn stuff will ever become popular?

      Light ’em up baby, gas and matches, a volatile combo indeed.

      Hola sir.

  3. Whoaa. I got identical ones. I wish I hadn’t deleted some of them! 😀 Some are hilarious. But the maximum numbers are the excellent webmaster ones. 😀 They highlight the page load time. I confess I believed it the first time the spammer commented. Then I realized it was Spam – when all my blogs got the same thing.

    What about non-English comments, Bill? None? 😀


    • Oh yes, I get the non-English too; I don’t even know if they are real words or not…

      Just for fun, I started cutting and pasting them on a draft post until I had enough to have some fun with it. It was an easy post to do.

      So good to see you Vidya, I hope you are doing well.

  4. Obviously, my spam filters are working way too well – I don’t get this kind of humor and ego-boosting in my blog anymore! “Down, Akismet! Stop that, G.A.S.P.! Whooooaaa, there, big boys, those are my friends you just tossed out on their ears…” A good friend of mine has a page on Facebook for this stuff, called “Spomment of the Day.” You should contribute and read for more giggles. Or you could do what I do, when I have enough interesting spam in my spam folder – use it as a fiction prompt: http://jahangiri.us/new/2010/09/06/spammerview/
    It’s been a while.

    • Mine spam filter is starting to slip a little bit; I have about 1 a week pop up on older posts. I usually reply something snarky to them anyway…:).

      I will definitely check out your fiction prompt; thanks for paying me a visit, hope you are well.

  5. What perfect start to a morning! I just resolved BIOS and computer virus problems that have been plaguing me all week, and when I could finally sign in to my email, your post was the first in the queue. Made me fall out laughing. Thanks for the lift, Bill!

    As for spam, it comes in waves, and the messages contain the same grammatical caliber as yours. Cheers!

  6. I LIVE for the spam comments! They kill me every morning. I really get off to a great day because of them because they are so funny! Thanks Bill. This was great!

  7. Hi Bill

    Some of those spams are pretty believable and when first starting out, well hey we could use all the attention we could get. My first one was pretty awesome and I read it and reread it and then finally had to come to the conclusion…how would that person ever find my lonely little site, especially since they had made it big on “America’s Got Talent”. Reluctantly I deleted it.

    The spam that really irritates me is opening line, “Hey man” damn the last time I looked I was not a man! What a dumb opening line. Get my share or shall I say more than my share of porn. I have a party site that is for family home parties on a budget. Big mistake, had a post called Hot Dog Party…talk about a lot of traffic on that one…I suppose they were a little surprised when they found out I was actually describing different types of ways to serve hot dogs for a kid’s party.

    Pretty cool dialogue on your spam responses.


    • 99% of my spam gets caught in the spam filter so it doesn’t see the light of day unless I release it. However, I have been tempted to cut a few loose on my posts but I’m afraid it might open the floodgates to something bad. Usually the spam does not have an Avatar. I just got one today on ‘how to get a girlfriend.’ I’m guessing that might not be quite legit.

      I thought it would be a fun post and it was pretty easy to do….

      Thanks for stopping by.

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    Am I doing better in getting my comments approved?

      • I woke up to this one today and just had to share it:

        Welcome to Make Money Online with best investment in Hedge fund day trading with high returns on Daily Interest the world best revenue sharing program in which High Yield Investment Program, Best Hyip, Best Investment, Hyip Monitor, Forex Fund, Daily Profit, Monthly Interest, Monthly Profit, Earn Money Online, Money Maker Group, Dream Team Money and like this much more and you can withdraw the amount throw referral commission, eCurrency Invest, LibertyReserve, Alert Pay and SolidTrustPay as well. Get 200% profit within 150 days and the minimum withdraw is only $5 which is on daily basis.
        For More Details click the link below:

        I’m on the fence about approving it. The deal sounds pretty great. Any advice? 😉

      • I dunno, $5 daily I think you can swing it….after all, 200% profit in 150 days how can you go wrong? Your biggest dilemma will be how to spend all the money.

  9. Wow. I did like the one about how fast your website loads. I’ve gotten a lot of spam, but most just tell me the crap I need, not the crap I’m doing right (although I have no idea how to make the website load faster, and I’m pretty sure the commenter never opened much on my page to begin with).

    Now, that said. This is excellent piece of content. Really amazed me. I have never in my life put into practice the tools I have seen on blogs but I will put yours into practice NOW. Right this moment. Just amazing.

    Sorry. Too soon? 🙂

    • Never too soon, right? My question is, is someone actually typing those responses or are they being computer/spam generated. I envision some non-English speaking dude in his skivvies eating Cheetos in his basement and just cranking this out everyday, 24/7, hoping to get a ‘hit.’

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