Did you know?

If you know 100 people, only 16 will consider you a close friend; really like you. These are the ones that will  be there if you need them, call you on your birthday, and can get you on the phone at any time. They have a personal relationship with you.

The next 54 people you can call acquaintances and they like you on some level, but you are not on their speed dial. When planning a party or putting a group together, you are typically not in the first cut. They are intermittent in your life and come and go. You might go months before you realize you haven’t seen or talked with them during this time. You like them ok, but you don’t have what you could call a relationship per se.

The next 16 tolerate you but there is something about you, the way you talk, the way you dress, the group you associate with or some idiosyncrasy about you that annoys them. They will be cordial but prefer not to ‘hang’ with you.

And finally, the last 14; they just don’t like you. For whatever reason, perceived or real you have taken it to a level past indifference with them. They will not be showing you the love. In fact, they will probably go out of their way to avoid you.

Do you agree with these statistics? Are you the type of person who wants everyone to like you?

Regardless of how hard you try, you won’t change these percentages much. You can try to be neutral or non-opinionated as you please, but that in and of itself might be the reason people don’t get close to you.

Because of this reality, do you think you should primarily work on deepening the relationships with the top 16; should you try to pull some people from the next 54 up; are you open to having more close friends?

If you know you have annoying habits, should you work on them or just say you have to take me just the way I am?

It’s unlikely the bottom 14 are going to change their minds. You don’t have to unlike them back, but you also don’t need to let them occupy much of your time or thoughts either. Regardless of how they might make you feel, you have the power to rise above it.

Which group should get your attention; how much do you value that top 16? Do you let them know on a regular basis, or do you think it is a given?

Are you a good friend to someone? Who’s top 16 are you in?

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9 thoughts on “Did you know?

  1. Hi Bill

    You write really thought provoking posts 😉 Over the years I did want people to like me. And I certainly didn’t want to upset or offend anyone.

    All that did was get me hurt and it took almost a lifetime to work out that just being me is okay. Now I have a few close friends and don’t bother with those who were just takers and users.

    Life is so much more peaceful and happier. And since I started blogging I have met some amazing people, some whom I now call dear friends. We communicate often, help each other out and encourage each other on the journey.

    They have given me confidence as they see my potential and encourage those things which in turn makes me more confident to achieve so much more than I even imagined I could.

    Patricia Perth Australia

    • Patricia, you are absolutely the best. Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by. I don’t have any furniture yet, but you are always welcome.

      Like twitter, sometimes it is hard to develop really deep relationships mainly because of time and number of people. But I do think it’s important to at least have some really close people around. It still takes effort to keep them close, but at the end of the day it’s worth it.

      I know neither one of us go out of our way to be offensive. In fact, I see you reaching out to many. It still doesn’t mean everyone will like us.

      I think if we try to be the best we can be, treat others like we want to be treated, then we have nothing to regret. Doing this, I think you can ultimately be happy with yourself and that is important.

      Ms Patricia, I’m so glad I met you.

  2. Hello there Bill!

    Fascinating article. I will say that I agree with the numbers as an average. I really try to extend myself to everyone – I’m a people person and I love to help …but I think sometimes people misjudge my intentions because I may seem over the top when reaching out to assist…so they think I have some form of hidden agenda or plot. I get this a lot online. And with the website named Hustler’s Notebook…they really get fishy! I understand this, so I don’t take it personal.

    Bill, when I first came on the scene last summer, some websites simply wouldn’t approve my comments to show. that was a little disheartening at first, but in time, most people realized that I’m here to add value and help…that’s it. I’m not trying to sell anything, or promote anything…just be a value-add to society.

    Being that I’m truly like this, I can tend to win the 3rd bracket (16) people over and move them into the 2and bracket (54)because I’m consistent in being me. They realize that it’s no front, there’s no hidden agenda – just me being me.

    No matter what, some simply will never like my style, my approach, my attitude my whatever…there will always be something. And to those people – I wish the best for them. I will still be there to assist, but I don’t extend myself like I do to the other groups.

    My top 16 get the same me as everyone else…but I guess I invest more time with them.

    This got me doing some great thinking. I’m all about being efficient with my time. Am I really spending wisely? hmmmmm!

    Thank you Bill!

    • Hey JK, thanks for stopping by; sorry you had to see me living out of my car.

      As I commented on Gini’s post today, I might have built my community backwards. I went in and met people and engaged with them on their posts. The WordPress site was a kind of after thought, just because I thought it was the thing to do to play in this game.

      I do want to develop it and I have some ideas. I think because I have a pretty strong community that when I am ready it will be easier to have people stop by and take a look.

      In response to your comment, you will never please everybody. The harder you try the more frustrated you will probably get. Just stay true to yourself and do the best you can for the people that appreciate you and your work. Make them your ‘champions’ and don’t get bogged down in the rest.

      JK, thanks again and I look forward to getting to know you better.

  3. Bill,

    Informative post. Now because I only know 10 people what does that mean about my odds? Does that mean 1.6 people really like me? Man that sucks I was hoping to for at least 3. Oh well. I need to meet more people to boost my odds. 🙂

    People do sometimes hold on to useless and unhealthy relationships for the wrong reasons. I guess it is like a friend of mines who accepts everyone as a friend on facebook to boost their number. I value my relationships and I try to nuture each one of them.

    This was very thought provoking though because am I wasting my time giving myself to others when they really could care less if I’m alive. Good post.

    • Just like your 2.3 kids, huh? Thanks for dropping by; as you can see I’m still moving furniture in, but good to see you.

      There is a certain dynamic to it as people will move away, pass away, or just develop other interests. However, that top 16 or whatever that number is, those are the ones worth the effort. Go out of your way to let them know how much they are appreciated.

      Thanks for the reply and I really liked your work; I would like to get to know you better.

  4. Bill!! First time here, not last time to appear 😉

    Love the numbers game above, and it makes sense, the only thing that I’d question is whether or not 16 would really be ‘close’ friends, ya know?

    Here’s my thing. I’ve learned to move past those persons that simply aren’t down with me. I’m not gonna please ’em, and thus I’m not going to try. Just a complete waste of time IMO. When they’re ready, if ever, we might see things differently.

    To me, it goes back to Mr. Pareto. I want to focus on the 20% that make my life happy and enriching. That’s it. If I can do that, awesome.

    Just my 2cents.

    Thanks bud. 🙂

    Marcus

    (ps- do you have an email subscribe option? It’s easy to add to feedburner.)

    • Whoa, looked who dropped by; hold on, let me pick up some of this mess so you can sit down.

      As I wade in to this arena, I’m taking it one step at a time. I probably violate most of the top 10 blogging mistakes, but working on getting something set up that will be easier to get in and out of. I will look at the subcription option.

      I’m still testing the sustainability and where I want to take it and what my ‘theme’ will be.

      Talk about pressure though; a lot of the people I have connected with were on your list…..I can’t be rollin’ out in a VW……I do know most of the people on that list are very gracious and helpful so they won’t beat me up too bad.

      I attended an event and a person by the name of Karyn Buxman was the speaker. She is a motivational speaker, humorist, etc. She finds humor in all of life’s situations, even the difficult ones. If you ever get the chance, she is definitely worth seeing or hearing.

      When she provided those stats, I did think 16 was a high number of people who really care about you; but then I thought that must include family as well. I think you can have some really good friends, but the real core will be just a handful probably.

      I think focusing on the people who make you happy is enegizing and helps your mental outlook and productivity. No need to always swim upstream, huh?

      Marcus, it was a real treat to have you here and I say that with all sincerity. I look forward to getting to know you better.

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